whew

I can't believe I haven't written since January. I can't believe it's May. I can't believe I've been here for 8 months already. I can't believe we planted garlic and it grew! I can't believe I eat 2 grapefruits a day. And they're local. I can't believe I just squirted grapefruit juice all over my face/desk. Time to focus.

So, I'm the worst blogger ever, sorry to those who might have checked this in vain for months hoping that I might write again. I think I have a pretty good excuse, considering the madness that my life was the past few months. To avoid long-windedness, I will attempt to summarize the past 3.5 months asi:

February

-Went to Phoenix to visit Carrie and Kev for what I thought was the last time. We had a great time as usual and I yelled at them for leaving me in the southwest. This is the second time they've left after I move to be closer to them. Coincidence? I'm starting to wonder.

-My friend Maggie from Chicago came to visit. We had many adventures, including hiking and NOT getting eaten by mountain lions (no small feat, if you pay much attention to the bright orange sheet they hand you upon entering Sabino Canyon Park). It was grand, and super nice to of Maggie to come visit. You're wonderful!

-I had to attend this training to become certified in "Food Sanitation" for Pima County. Doesn't that sound terrifying? Why would you want to sanitize food? I imagine soaking a block of cheese in bleach. Gross. Anyway most of the 3 hour class involved talking about what temperatures were required to properly cook meat, which is useful for me since BorderLinks is a vegetarian kitchen.

-I led a delegation of students from Portland State University. They were taking a class called "Sustainable Futures" or "Pollution knows no borders" or something along those lines. We talked a lot about migration and food systems and sustainability, which is exactly what I'm interested in so it was a great trip to lead. We went out to a ranch that is right on the border and spoke with a rancher named Duncan Blair, who has an impressive philosophy and an even more impressive mustache. He raises grass-fed cattle and sounded a lot like Michael Pollan when he talked about getting back to sun agriculture. He also deals with drug traffickers coming through his property, so he has an interesting perspective. He taught Nick and I a new word the first time we met him - "pistofado", as in "Estoy pistofado" - it's Spanglish, of course, and comes from the word "pissed off" - read it slowly and see if you can figure it out. Awesome!

-Right after my PSU trip I went to Chihuahua with Johanna for Elias's graduation from architecture school. We took the night bus and watched terrible movies dubbed in Spanish. It was an excellent visit, it was wonderful to see Elias and his family and friends again, they welcomed us with open arms. We stayed up until at least 3 am every night drinking Indio (best beer ever!) and chatting and sometimes dancing.

Thus ends February.

March

-Steph came to visit (friend from Chicago, not cousin) at the beginning of March and we also managed to not get eaten by mountain lions and have an excellent time all around. It was so nice to see a familiar face, it made me miss Chicago and appreciate Tucson all at once. I love you Steph!

-So I'm crazy, and apparently have boundless amounts of energy, so between my PSU trip and my visit to Chihuahua I agreed to step in and lead the Vassar trip that started on March 8th. The original leader got sick and they needed a replacement, so I said sure what the heck, why not? Vassar, however, was no ordinary trip. It was 2 weeks, 3 vans, 30 students, 2 professors, and 4 BorderLinks trip leaders (2 U.S. 2 Mexico). Holy crap. But it all turned out well in the end,
Noel, Ceci, Jorge and I led the trip and although sometimes we got sick of traveling in such a large entourage, it was a rewarding experience.

There were crazy times, like when Noel and Jorge and I couldn't find bread in the creepy, empty grocery store. "el super de terror", Jorge said. There was no bread! At all! And then we went to Oxxo (Mexican version of 7-11) and there wasn't any there either. It was bizarre, and we were exhausted, so it made us laugh for 15 minutes.

-What else... OH so approximately 4 days after Vassar left we found out that 4 of us in the education department were getting laid off. Oh joy! We knew that we were having financial troubles, because things had been precarious since I started in September, but none of us expected that. We had like 11 trip cancellations because of reports of drug violence on the border, and that loss of income hit us hard. It was an unpleasant (to say the least) experience and I will be happy if I never have to repeart it. We were all stunned and sad at the prospect of splitting up our team, which was really strong, especially because of what we went through back in October. For about a week I was struggling to accept what had happened and to figure out what I was going to do next, it was a strange week. Then Nick proposed that I stay on instead of him, then we talked to Delle about it and they discovered this thing called the shared work program, where instead of laying someone off, you have two employees reduce their pay significantly and they can collect some unemployment benefits. So thats where we stand now, Nick and I are both still working, and things might be changing again, but I'll keep you updated.

Well I've gotta go to a goodbye happy hour for Sash face. Everyone is leaving! Gah. But I promise I'll write again soon, sooner than in three months.

Un abrazote,
Sus

desert happenings

(look! it's a carrot from our garden at work! things are actually growing, it's extremely exciting)

helloooooo, la la la (seinfeld? yes). hope you all are well, my lovely readers. if i have any left that is, i think my month long break might have discouraged some people from ever actually reading this. oh well, i'll get better i swear! maybe i won't, actually. And I'll try to use capitals for you mom, I know it's annoying when I don't. It's just the irreverence of my generation, we have no respect for grammar. 

Today we lovely, although it didn't start out that way. Well let me rephrase, it started out very nicely because Carrie was here and we laid around and chatted in the morning and ate a leisurely breakfast of scones and soup (not together, of course). But after she left I was feeling out of sorts for reasons unknown. Sometimes I get into mini funks and I can't figure out what the problem is, especially considering things are going very well out here. I was having some serious missing Chicago moments this weekend, which hadn't really happened up until now. I was longing for something familiar, to be with people who have known me for more than five months. I love the people I know here, but it's just different. I wanted to hop on over to the Mexican place under the el tracks and get a veggie torta with Maddy, Kara and Molly while rehashing the events of the previous, obviously ridiculous night. 

But anyway, I guess I left Chicago so thats not going to happen. I know that if I was still there I would be wondering what could have been if I had left, such is life. I made the right decision, but I still miss what I had there, and the wonderful people I knew. I also had a revelation today about why I've been in a funk lately. I realized that I miss VIA and reflecting at DePaul. I think my culture shock leaving that community was not as great as it could have been, considering the job I have now and the people I'm surrounded with, but I haven't spent much time doing things for myself lately, and I need to. I love being around people so much that I don't take advantage of the down time. Instead I'm always thinking of what I'll do next, who I'll see next. I need to chill out and take things slowly, be patient with life and not expect everything to happen right away. I'm always struggling to be content with what I have and not dwell on what I don't, and I'm getting better but it's a slow process. 

Time for bed, no more computer. Much love, thanks for being in my life. 

stuff

So it's been a really long time since I've written here, and I apologize but the past month has been pretty craze, as Borat would say. I had my DePaul trip for the first two weeks of December, then Christmas/New Years celebrations, then a marathon crazy week of cooking at BLX. I also moved into the house next door so now I live with Kelly and Jeff which is lovely, and I made soup yesterday. I think that about summarizes the important things I've done.

The DePaul trip was fantabulous, I got to hang out with a group of pretty sweet individuals for ten days and they seemed to like me, despite the fact that I ran them ragged. Not intentionally, but about halfway through the trip I realized how much we were doing every day and that it was a lot. They were troopers though, and we had a great time together. It was almost eerie to lead the trip a year after I had been on it myself, but I think it helped because I could really relate to the emotional and mental struggles that they were going through.

There were definitely challenges, but overall I think (I hope) everyone had a powerful experience and that it will change their life in some way, however small it may be. Nick did a presentation about sustainable food systems and how that connects to migration and my group actually got really into it, which was encouraging. He and I are both really passionate about the subject, but sometimes I wonder if we're getting through to people and helping them make connections between our consumption and the state of the world. Thats why it's nice when people actually have a lot of questions and want to know more, because it means they are actually considering what you are saying. It's also strange to be the resident expert on something, although I am not an expert on the subject by any means. They ask questions and I can answer them, it's amazing! What a novel idea.

So after Nick's presentation I was a bit intimidated. He's really good at explaining things and sounding really confident about what he's saying and I'm not, or at least I wasn't because I hadn't spoken to many (any? I don't remember) groups about the Sustainable Food Program. I gave my first presentation to Lilli's group right before Christmas and it went well although I spoke way too fast and didn't have any visuals or anything. We'd like to eventually have more popular education activities, something really engaging and interactive, but for now I'm aiming to just be able to explain in a coherent manner what our program is and why we have it. So that was my trial run, and I was a bit nervous but it was satisfying to speak about something that I'm passionate about.

Since then I've done two more and I think they've gotten better each time. I spoke with a group from South Dakota and before they came I did some research about their town and put together a list of farmer's markets and other resources specific to their area, which I think they liked having. It was neat to have an idea of what kind of community they are coming from, and give them some options for exploring sustainable food when they get back. The most recent presentation I did was for a group from Boston College, and that went really, surprisingly well. It was Nick's group so he was in the back able to remember things when I got stuck, and I definitely called on him a few times, but it was great. The students were interested and engaged and they wanted to see the garden and smell the rosemary and look at the books I set out. They asked me how I learned to cook, a question I wasn't sure how to answer, and if I was a vegetarian, and other interesting things. After the presentation I felt empowered, like I actually knew something and that I could be a resource for other people. Woohoo! Plus Nick told me that on the evaluations they all rated my presentation as "extremely important" to the trip overall. Success! We've still got a long way to go with the program and there are a million things we want to do, but how cool is that? I was excited.

In other news, non-work news I guess, things are pretty wonderful and I feel lucky to be here right now, with a job that I love, living in a dynamic and active community, surrounded by people who care about important issues and advocate for social justice. Of course I miss my family and my friends, far away in Chicago and Ohio, but this definitely feels right for me right now. Like I said, I just moved into the South House at Gecko Haven, so still part of the community but I have a bigger room and a bit more private space. I liked living in the Big House a lot, but I didn't feel like it was my space at all, mostly because people have been living here for years and everything was already pretty much decorated and set the way it was. In the South House Kelly and I can arrange things the way we like and put things on the walls, plus I feel more comfortable having people over and playing music kind of loud. It's a nice arrangement, and I'm even paying less for rent. Amazing! I'll take picture sometime and put some up. The only downside is that my room is pretty freezing, but it's kind of like being back in my Newport apartment in the winter so it's comforting, in a nostalgic sort of way.

I should probably go, my eyes are getting tired and squinty and I have to get up for work tomorrow. Love to all, miss your faces!

Un abrazo,

Sus

El Tour de Tucson

The pictures tell it all, plus I am too tired to actually write about it. It was great fun and Lilli and I made some sweet t-shirts for Team BorderLinks. Bicycle love!

And we're off!

"La mejor cara," as MaryCruz said

Team BorderLinks, looking very attractive as usual

Lilli sharing her power gummies with me - I'm pretty excited

Celebrating at Barrio afterwards - 35 miles and we barely even broke a sweat

Team BLX 2008!

there's something wrong with this picture

Just got back from listening to Dahr Jamil speak at the U of A about the war in Iraq and I feel compelled to write. He was an unembedded journalist (aka not accompanied by the U.S. military at all times) in Iraq and he's written several books about his experience. He was in Chicago last fall and I wanted to see him speak because I was taking a class about media and international politics but I couldn't make it, so I'm glad I got another chance.

He was an eloquent and engaging speaker, incredibly knowledgable about the Iraq invasion and occupation and the history of the area. He pointed out that the mainstream media tends to downplay or completely leave out context when they talk about the occupation and it makes a huge difference to how people understand and view what is happening there. He said that a lot of people ask him after his lectures what steps we should take to stop the atrocities that are happening there, what our response should be. He said he didn't necessarily have the answer, but emphasized how important it is to get involved in some way and to be responsible and active citizens.

Dahr Jamil read a statement from an Iraq veteren who was ashamed at the apathy of the American people, who have not held our administration accountable for their actions in this war. The veteren said that as members of the military they are trained not to question their superiors, including the President, so that it is up to us to make sure that the government does not abuse the troops. We are supposed to hold our elected officials responsible and ensure that they are doing their jobs, so that soldiers can be confidant that the orders they are following are legitimate and reflect the desires of the people, not just the whims of politicians. It was a soboring admonishion, but it's something that we all need to hear. The veteren wrote that "the most unpatriotic thing you can do is to not be critical of the government."

I get frusterated with pro-war arguments that tend to blindly side with the government and the military and don't go deeper into the root causes and motivations for war. It is dangerous to believe all this stuff about "spreading democracy" and "liberating the Iraqi people" and other justifications for this occupation and ignore the economic and political issues that drive it. If we do that it becomes too easy to swallow the rhetoric and believe the information that we get from the media, which has been filtered and censored by the same military they are supposedly "objectively" reporting about. It's scary how misinformed we are, and how we often don't realize it until it's too late. "Weapons of Mass Destruction" for example... Apparently Judith Miller now works for Fox News, maybe the New York Times didn't want her after she lied a bunch. Anyway...

Economically speaking, the occupation of Iraq is a HUGE money maker for companies like Halliburton, which has made billions of dollars since the war started. I sort of vaguely knew that Dick Cheney was connected to Halliburton before this talk, but I didn't realize how intimate his ties were. Apparently he stepped down from his position as president or vice-president (I can't remember) of Halliburton just days before he became Vice-President elect of the U.S., with a huge severance package and plenty of friends left in the company I'm sure. It's so shady how that all plays out. Cheny has a vested interest in Halliburton, Cheney becomes VP, Cheney strongly advocates for going to war in Iraq, we go to war in Iraq, Halliburton wins contracts with the U.S. government to do everything from build military bases to provide food for the soldiers, Halliburton makes billions of dollars. It's terrifying to me how much money people are making off of war and destruction. An estimated 1.2 million people in Iraq have died as a direct result of the war, greedy people are making millions, and we call that democracy? We call that freedom? Something is severely wrong with this system. Halliburton also has contracts with DHS to build more detention centers to hold undocumented immigrants, which is just great. They must feel really good about themselves, making money off of misery, inequality, and racism. Congratulations on your success. (Please excuse the sarcasm, but it's hard to believe that people can think that that's okay. I'd prefer to chalk it up to ignorance than evil, but sometimes I wonder...)

Something else Jamil talked about was the mistreatment of female soldiers within the U.S. military. According to the Dept. of Veterens Affairs, 1 out of every 3 women in the U.S. military is sexually assaulted or raped. They also say that 80% of female soldiers who are sexually assaulted or raped don't report it, which is alarming. I would never think of joining the military, but that alone would be enough to deter me. The Dept. of Veterens affairs also reports that 1/3 of soldiers of the 1 million soldiers being cycled through Iraq have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, that 1/5 have traumatic brain injury, and that 1/5 suffer from severe depression. 1000 veterens a month attempt suicide, every day 18 actually committ suicide, and 1 out of 4 homeless people are veterens. There is something terribly wrong going on, if this is how we are "supporting" our troops. I know people who have been to Iraq, I have a family member who has been to Iraq, it pains me to think what they must be going through and how little support they get from anyone.

It's hard to know what to do, except to keep sharing information like this and hope that we can change something for the better. The more I learn the more I want to get involved in everything, every campaign, every protest. But there's only so much time in the day, and I have to trust that there are other people out there fighting for justice in all corners of the world. I'll do what I can, I hope I'm making some kind of positive change. It's hard to know sometimes, especially when things seem to be getting worse everyday. I have to remind myself that change comes slowly, and that maybe I won't even see it in my lifetime. Pues, hay que seguir adelante, y dormir de vez en cuando. Have a good night!

love,
Sus

p.s. www.dahrjamailiraq.com in case anyone is interested

mesquite flour pancakes

It's been a while since I've written because it has been busy 'round here these days. Work is great, I love my coworkers more every day and it's so nice to look forward to going to the office in the morning. Our little gardens are starting to look like more than patches of dirt, and the herbs have finally sprouted after a long and nerve-wracking period of nothing. I'm making mental notes on what not to do next time and learning a lot about gardening in the desert.

It's exciting to work on something and then get real, tangible results a few weeks later. Nick and I were talking about how when you are planting seeds it seems like a joke that they might actually turn into something edible in a few months. It doesn't seem possible that these tiny little seeds will grow into lettuce and radishes and chard, but somehow the miracle happens and little green shoots appear in the dirt and I rejoice. I probably won't ever be able to fully believe that the seeds I plant will actually bear fruit (or vegetables, literally). Maybe if I keep doing this and eventually do become a farmer I'll have to learn to count on the fact that the transformation happens, but until then I will marvel at it every time.

In other news... but what's more important than food news? I was thinning some of the seedlings today and I pulled up what I thought was just some kind of green or other (I'll be honest, I forgot what I planted there). To my surprise it was a wee radish, and possibly the cutest thing I had ever seen. I proudly carried it around the office and showed it to all my coworkers, who were just as enthusiastic as I was. They might have been humoring me, but I appreciated it nonetheless. I put it on my desk and admired it for a while, then I ate it, leaves and all. It was the very first, very tiny harvest.

The onions are not doing so well, it's possible they have failed entirely to come up. As I have never tried to grow onions before I'm not sure what the seedlings look like, which turns out to be a problem. While I was on my Phillips trip some bermuda grass started to creep into the bed and I can't be sure if there are any onions intermingled among the weeds. I'm ready to give up on them and plant something else, but I'm going to look carefully tomorrow and make up my mind then. Nick isn't around so I don't have a second opinion, and I tried doing a google image search of "walla walla onion seedlings" but nothing useful came up. That attempt seems silly in hindsight... I wish my grandmother were here because she would definitely know.

I hope this isn't incredibly boring. I forget that some people don't share my enthusiasm for plant life. But one more thing before I move on - we have a fig tree at BorderLinks! I picked one just this morning and ate it fresh, they are weird on the inside and also delicious. The birds get to a lot of them before we do, but just the idea of having a fig tree is novel and exciting. Pomegranate trees abound here as well, and people have random citrus trees in their backyards which boggles my midwestern mind.

On the trip leading side of my job, things are busy and a little precarious right now but good. We are still working on fundraising and trying to get all the letters out and hoping that our efforts are not in vain. I don't want to think about what might happen if we don't raise as much as we projected. I'm confidant that we will figure something out, but I enjoy my job very much and I think it is incredibly important work so I'd like to keep going. Wish us luck! We've also been dealing with some increased violence in Nogales, Sonora that is making groups a little bit nervous. There have been conflicts among the police and drug traffickers in the city where we do the majority of our delegations and so we've had to figure out how to keep our participants safe, assess the actual danger of the situation as opposed to how it is portrayed in the news and by the State Department, and be honest with our groups about what is happening. None of us feel unsafe in Nogales, but we can't pretend that it's not happening because we have a responsibility to our participants to be honest about potential risk. We've always been very mindful about security and have taken all the necessary precautions. I don't think we've ever had any problems on the Mexico or Tucson side of the border, thank God (except the occasional case of mild food poisoning - we gringos have weak stomachs, what can I say?) but I know that everyone on staff is especially cognizant these days of safety issues. I think it will be okay, and it makes me think a lot about the stressful and unstable environments that so many people around the world have to live in. Violence and instability become a part of your daily life, but no one should have to get used to that. Anyway...

This past weekend was wonderful, and I'm starting to feel like I have a definite community here in Tucson. I hung out with Johanna (who works for No More Deaths), her friend Chelsea from out of town and Sasha (my coworker Nick's new roommate) all weekend, it was lovely. Friday night we went salsa dancing at El Parador where I took Carrie and her friend Emily a few weekends ago. I am always impressed with people who will just go for the first time because I remember how incredibly intimidated I felt the first times I went in Mexico. When someone would ask me to dance I felt this kind of dread in the pit of my stomach and suddenly turned into a giant, uncoordinated blob. So I'm surprised when people actually want to come, and I admire their courage. I hope they had fun, I think they did. There was a live band anyway and it's always nice to watch the couples who dance well together. I danced a lot and I think I like salsa more every time I do it. It's funny to think about how shy I used to be about dancing and how much that has changed. Whee dancing! I felt kind of bad because I wore my hair in a ponytail and I think I kept whipping guys in the face with it when they spun me. Oops.

Saturday morning we went to the Mesquite Milling and Pancake Breakfast at the community garden in my neighborhood (Dunbar/Spring). I had been hearing about it for a while and Sasha's friend was going so we walked over from my house after dragging ourselves out of bed (Sasha slept over because clearly a 10 minute bike ride at midnight is a terrible idea) and it was worth it. People all over Tucson collect mesquite pods, dry them, and then bring them to these community milling events to make mesquite flour. I had never tried it before but it was delicious! Unfortunately I was too dazed and new when I first got here to collect any pods myself, but they were selling mesquite flour pancakes with prickly pear syrup and I savored the local goodness. There's a strong local food movement here and it's nice to be able to taste all the desert foods. There was a live bluegrass band playing (they played "Oh Susanna" while I was eating my pancake - excellent!) and kids running around and the sun was shining, it was a great way to start the morning.

After that the five of us went hiking to Wasson Peak for Chelsea's birthday, another amazing adventure. It was long but the view from the top was gorgeous and Johanna surprised us by carrying a bottle of red wine all the way up to toast for Chelsea's birthday. Sitting up there with a 360 degree view of the valleys and the mountains surrounding us, eating a sandwich and enjoying good company... It was a moment of sheer happiness. We had a feast and ended up singing our way down the mountain, any and all songs that occurred to us. We even saw some sweet petroglyphs made by indigenous peoples in 700 AD. It's so nice to be able to climb and be outside and not hear the sound of traffic and sirens and drunk Cubs fans. I miss Chicago terribly and I miss all my friends but this is a lovely change of pace.



Last night was the All Souls Procession which was absolutely amazing but I think I'll save the description for another time. I'll just say that it involved thousands of people in costume, people on stilts, fire dancers, two cranes (the metal kind that hoist things into the air) and a giant paper urn that was set on fire at one point. Oh and lots of dancing and drumming. Crazy! But for now I'm going to read. Matthew, one of my housemates, lent me this book by this local foods activist from Tucson and I'm itching to start it, so there I go.

Much love, goodnight!

Sus

they do have pumpkins here

I was greatly relieved to learn that you can grow pumpkins in Arizona, because as badly as I wanted to carve one I didn't think it would be right for me to buy one imported from some far away state. Lilli, Katie and Sara hosted a pumpkin-carving party yesterday which was great fun and enhanced with delicious snacks. Sweet potato and ginger cupcakes, pumpkin ale, some unidentified chocolate bar thing, etcetera. Yummy! I couldn't think of what to carve for a long time but there was a prickly pear cactus in their backyard so I started there. Apparently the thing on the left is a Century Plant, which I learned after I carved it. I just remembered seeing it when I rode my bike out to Gates Pass on Monday.

Life is grand out here in the desert. I'm getting used to the landscape but it still surprises me every time I look up and see mountains. I finally got to go to Mount Lemmon on Sunday with Nathan and it was incredible. I've always liked hiking but I don't think I've ever actually climbed around on a mountain that big before. I took some pictures, we'll see if they turn out. Either way, it's sweet because it's so close to Tucson! As you drive up you can see the landscape change dramatically. It goes from desert at the bottom with huge saguaros everywhere to pine forest at the top. We passed a sign for a lake somewhere but apparently it was closed. Next time...

I led my first real delegation last week which was exciting and a little scary. My group was from Phillips Theological Seminary in Tulsa, Oklahoma and a lot of them were pastors. It was intimidating at first because they were all older than me and I've only ever led groups of college students, but then I remembered that just because you are married with kids doesn't mean you've seen or understood the reality of the border. I remembered how overwhelming it all was for me on my delegation and I think at that moment when you encounter something you've never imagined, it doesn't matter how old you are or what kind of experience you've had in other fields. The emotions and the struggles are the same.

It was strange to be back in the places I visited in December but in a totally different role. I was so focused on logistics and making sure nothing chaotic happened that I almost forgot about my initial reactions to what I saw on my delegation. I knew what to expect at CCAMYN (the migrant shelter in Altar, Sonora) and so when my participants were overwhelmed and saddened and moved by the visit it took me a second to remember why. All this reality feels like too much to deal with when you are hit with it all at once. I remember feeling like my head was going to explode with information while my heart was breaking. It's a different but rewarding feeling to accompany people in that struggle and to watch what they do with each experience. I was relieved to be done with the trip because it's tiring work, but it's so worth it.




Well I best get to bed, we have a binational team leader meeting tomorrow in Nogales, Mexico so we have to leave bright and early, and I have to get there in time to water the garden. We have lettuce babies! I had to thin them today though which is always sad. They try so hard to grow and then you rip them right out of the ground. Well I'm sure they understand it's for the good of the community.

Buenas!